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Common Member
 
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Last Login: 2/20/2010 12:25:01 PM
Posts: 98, Visits: 553 |
| CHAPTER 1
"Uggh" I sighed leaning my back against a nearby rock and beginning to slouch to a sitting position. I had received my code to Chaotic about two weeks ago, during the final battle with the M'arillians, closing Perim to players for about one week after I showed up, making me unable to get any scans of new battlegear and creatures who had come out of hiding for the fight. Those who did were dominating the Dromes. I had lost my first match, and was in a slump. Nothing was going my way.
I heard about the City of the Elements from my friend, Sam. She was my first opponent… and she won. I traded away all of my decent cards for a scan of Lake Ken-I-Po, the site of the city’s raising. I ported there immediately only to find the city nearly a mile in the sky. I was too late.
Sam showed up about half an hour later. She scolded me for trading away so many cards for a simple Lake Ken-I-Po scan. She had dozens and if I had waited for her, she would have gladly given one to me. She was an avid Overworld fan, and had scans of almost every battlegear they used.
I explained that I only wanted to get here before it was too far out of scanning range. I had failed. She took pity on me. She understood that I had missed the Invasion and that I hadn’t won a match since I got there. She soon forgave me and eventually convinced me to return to Chaotic.
She ported out as I took one final look at the city. I was beginning to port out when I heard a faint noise which began to get louder. I looked up to see a horrifying sight, someone had fallen and was headed straight toward me, FAST!!!
Edited: 11/29/2009 7:03:01 PM by terabyte |
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Super Rare Member
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| | it's ok but maybe needs a better title to get people interested though I like cliffhanger all ready |
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Tribe Member
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| I like the Title...Though it doesn't provide much information, it's plain and simple, which is good.
As for the Story, I think you kind of rushed the ending, but I'm sure you won't do that next time . Great Chapter, I'm looking forward to seeing more...Let's hope Matt didn't trade away any valuable Cards... |
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Super Rare Member
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Last Login: 2 days ago @ 11:05:23 AM
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| | ya this is good just gotta wait for people to notice how good it is |
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Common Member
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Last Login: 2/20/2010 12:25:01 PM
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| Sorry about the title... I couldn't think of anything better. Glad you liked it though. I'm working on the next chapter now, but you guys are right it did end suddenly and I'm trying to fix that. It felt much longer then it really was though.
Sorry about the double post and length of the chapters. I don't want to spend too much time on a single subject, but don't want them to be too short. I think that this way I will be able to post more of them as I can blurt out the bits of information I think of. I hope this is fine with everyone and I'm sorry if it isn't. Please enjoy. 
Edited: 11/20/2009 5:39:58 PM by terabyte |
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Common Member
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Last Login: 2/20/2010 12:25:01 PM
Posts: 98, Visits: 553 |
| CHAPTER 2
I screamed as the figure took shape. It seemed human, or at least, human-like. I watched in horror as I recognized the being flung from above. It was Koppond. I stared in awe as Koppond was getting larger and larger. I thought of porting out before I was crushed, but something stopped me… Someone else was coming from the city. But it didn’t seem like they were falling, more like… jumping. The figure grew quickly. It wasn’t trying to slow it’s fall, but appeared to be trying to speed up. Suddenly I realized who it was, Najarin.
At first Najarin jumping off the city confused me, especially to try and save an Underworlder, but I soon remembered the short-term agreement made by the High Muges. They had agreed on peace while they tried to raise the city, that meant they would have to help eachother when needed, and Koppond needed it.
Najarin was gaining speed quickly and had soon caught up to Koppond. He tried to slow Koppond’s fall with no success. He realized he would have to use mugic, but he knew that would be extremely dangerous at the speed they were moving, and it wasn’t any comfort when he saw me.Najarin realized he had no choice. He released the mugisphere in his hand, took a deep breath, and bellowed out, Song of Translocation!!!
Edited: 11/22/2009 8:16:42 AM by terabyte |
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Tribe Member
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| This is gonna get good...Still, poor Matt.
Also, I was confused on how, if Matt's new to Perim, he found out about the High Muge Alliance and whatnot. There's just some loose ends that should've been explained before, or maybe shown in a flashback? Still, I like it. |
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Common Member
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Last Login: 2/20/2010 12:25:01 PM
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| | Oh, sorry. I thought it, but didn't type it. He learned it from Sam, just like the Lost City. |
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Tribe Member
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Common Member
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Last Login: 2/20/2010 12:25:01 PM
Posts: 98, Visits: 553 |
| | Yeah, sorry about that. Would you like it if the chapters were short like the one I just posted. I figure I could post more often this way, no guarentees though. |
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